Thought Bank

Where do I begin as cliche as that may sound? 2011 was such a tough & beautiful year at the same time. I went through so much that left me empty. Throughout the year I was so in my own mind about the path I have been on. A single, 20 year old male, afraid of commitment, changes, heartbreak, death, heights and the list goes on. In this quest for the “real me” I think I found out a decent amount about myself. Some things were extremely tough to go through, I’ve faced fears that I never thought I could take on and get through, well I’m still here aren’t I. School, money, work, friends, and girls have been recurring themes in 2011. All of these are things that I’ve heard so many of my friends say they constantly worry about as well. The conclusion I came to with school was simply, I’m doing it, and I’ve stuck to it. Sometimes I wonder if sitting in a classroom trying to soak up as much knowledge as I can in an hour or even three, was the right thing for me to do. Seems like I kind of lost where I had intended on going when I started all of this. Maybe I’m just your average young adult with concerns that we all have, but I feel like they helped sink the ship. I’m thankful for the things I’ve gone through in life, as well as 2011 in particular. All of them have made me who I am at this very moment as well as making me a stronger person, although maybe I don’t feel that way all the time. I spent the past two years of my life at a community college, trying to save money on my first two years, sometimes I wonder if that stopped me from being as much of an outgoing person, taking chances, meeting new people and seizing the moment type of person. Something I struggled with at so many points in my adventure through that place. Even though the classes were filled with 30+ kids I still felt so alone at times, because very few people there are into making friends, because at the end of the day we all are going home, not back to a room or staying on campus. I know there are positives I can take from the experience and certain people I met along the way that have helped me tremendously.With that being said in regards to school, I finished Community College this semester, and will be attending UMass Dartmouth this coming Spring semester. Honestly I could go on for pages talking about school, but I’m gonna leave it at that and try to enjoy the rest of my college experience while it’s still in front of me.

Work, is too much for me to think about haha. I work at a local coffee shop and have been there for like 3 1/2 years and it’s gotten to be something I just laugh at and kind of look at as a stepping stone, a very big one at that. Hey at least I will get a good recommendation from there. I’ve met some cool people, and opportunity has come from a place where I didn’t think a rose could grow through the concrete. It’s been a steady paycheck, as well as a flexible job throughout college. I think over this time I have grown to not enjoy working with the public, you can see the best and worst in people. Some experiences have been great, but others have been ones I wish I had never encountered, but that’s life.

Love.. well where do I begin. I wonder sometimes if I have been in love. I thought I had been at a few points, but the more I have looked back on it and analyzed the relationships, how could someone that looks into your eyes and says I love you, hurt you so much. Possibly something I will never understand, and I’m sure some of my ex’s would say I did that to them. Maybe you don’t try to but you simply grow apart from one another. I’ve had random hook ups, girls I’ve had sex with and never made a relationships of etc. I will go to my grave saying I’ve never had a one night stand because I don’t think I could honestly do that. I think I might be ready to let go and try my hand at a relationship or at least seeking one out. Love is such a weapon, it can be the most pleasurable thing in the world and make you feel insanely good, and then on the other hand it can hit you like an eighteen wheeler, leave you scared, battered, and bruised, the types that don’t heal. If you’ve read this far you may be interested in what I’m saying, thank you. I appreciate it.

For 2012, I hope to be more adventurous, push my limits and find out some more about myself. I also hope to live a healthy year, not only myself but my Family, friends and loved ones included. I hope love comes to me, because I don’t want to look for it anymore, when you force it I feel like that’s when it ends up hurting the most. What do I know though, I’m just a twenty something young man, hoping that I’ll be accepted.

Thanks for listening

Sincerely,

JDC

Happy 2012 everyone, I wish you the absolute best.